How to Handle Stress

Jam 39 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.

Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa.

Pop some popcorn without putting on the lid.

When someone says, "Have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.

Forget the diet and send yourself a Candygram.

Dance naked in front of your pets.

Make a list of things to do that you have already done.

Put on your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him/her to school as if nothing was wrong.

Retaliate against the I.R.S. by filling out your tax forms with Roman numerals.

Tattoo "Out to lunch" on your forehead.

Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from high places.

Leaf through a National Geographic and draw underwear on the natives.

Go shopping; buy everything; sweat in it; return it the next day.

Pay your utility bills in pennies.

Drive to work in reverse.

Relax by mentally reflecting on your favourite episode of "The Flintstones" during an important board meeting.

Sit naked on a shelled, hard boiled egg.

Refresh yourself: Put your tongue on a cold steel guardrail.

Tell your boss to blow it out his mule and let him/her figure it out.

Polish your car with earwax.

Read the dictionary upside-down and look for some "satanic" hidden messages.

Start a nasty rumour and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.

Bill your Physician for the time spent in his/her waiting room.

Braid the hairs in both your nostrils.

Write a short story using alphabet soup.

Lie on your back and eat celery, using your navel as a salt dipper.

Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.

Make up a language and ask people for directions.

If all else fails, eat this page and wash it down with a bottle of wine.

Buy a subscription of "Sleezoid Weekly" and send it to your boss's wife.

Braid your armpit hair.

Replace the filling of a Twinkie with ketchup and place it back in the wrapper.