Glossary of Computer Terms

People are always complaining about the confusing terminology that you have to understand in order to communicate with (or about) computers. No longer. This little glossary should help you understand much better.

TermWhat it means
640K barrierthe finish line in a mega-marathon
access timeforeplay
analogwhat Ana tosses into the fire
assembly languageput tab A into slot B, then put tab C...
audit trailwhat the IRS does
bandwidthlimited by the size of the stage
battery backupgoing in reverse in a golf cart
BBSt-telling t-tall s-stories
benchmarkwhat happens when your saw hits the bench
broadbandan all female rock group
cache memoryremembering how much you spent
carrier detect"I see the mail man!"
CASE24 bottles
Control Characterprison guard
conventional memoryremembering what you did at the last convention
copy protectionwearing a rubber
copyrightopposite of copy wrong
cursora garbage mouth
daisy chaina dog's leash
DATthe opposite of DIS
deadly embracemaking love to King Kong
delimitersome who says, "Stop, that's enough"
densityhow to measure IQs of blondes
dhrystonesthe stones that were tossed out of the water
DIP switchhow my sister gets a new boy friend
dot pitch"Dorothy winds ups, and delivers a knuckle ball"
EBCDICsimilar to herpes
EMShappens just before PMS
end usera prisoner's cell mate
escape sequenceDistract guard. Dig tunnel. Cut through fence
Ethernetused to catch Etherbunny
fixed diska broken disk that comes back from the shop
flash EPROMwhat they have on 90210 (Flashy Proms)
flat bed scannera hooker looking for loose change
flat filea file with all the air out of it
full duplexa 2-family house with 16 occupants
groupwareclothes swapping
hackera heavy smoker
half-height drivea midget's sexual capacity
hand scannersingles bar prowler looking for wedding rings
heapwhat I drive
High density diskettea very stupid floppy
home computerwhat you tell your computer when it follows you
hypertexttext on amphetamines
ink jeta plane used for sky writing
integrated circuita circuit with both black & white components
joystick(requires little explanation)
local busstops at every intersection
lost chainseuphoria experienced by the recently divorced
low-levellanguage for basement programmers
high-levellanguage for penthouse programmers
machine dependencyan addiction of machine users
mag tapetape used on the wheels of cars
mainframeakin to "main squeeze"
main memoryremembering where the water line is
math coprocessorthe person you cheated from in math class
megaflopthe worst play you ever saw
minicomputerthe peer to Mickey's computer
modemwhat the gardener did to the lawns
multi-synccan be sunk more than once
native modehead hunting
on-linewhere the birds sit
overlaychickens making too many eggs
pentiumthe thing that swings back-and-forth on a clock
plottera deceitful person
postscriptgrafitti on a pole
protected memoryremembering to wear a condom
record lockingwhat you do to your Beatles' White Album
right justifiedvs. wrongly justified
software piracystealing a ship's program
spreadsheeta hooker's foreplay
streaming tapeparty decorations
subroutinenot quite routine
surge protectora condom
token ringa group of people passing the bong
trackballwhat sprinters and runners often get
twisted pairtubes tied
word wraprap music
worksheeta prostitutes office
Ymodembecause, modem