Excuses for the Bill Collectors

I didn't pay that bill because...

Who? No, I'm not him. I'm the neighbor.

You have me mixed up with some other guy with the same name.

I didn't get the notice in time.

The fed's took it as a prime clue to a murder.

What? Who do you want? I'm just the babysitter...

I was only renting the car. You people must be crazy!

Bills?? Kids must have stolen it from the mailbox. We lose a lot of bills that way.

Who? You have the wrong number.

My wife is in the loony bin, I have no money, and no one will buy my boat, that I own with two other people, and even if I sell the boat my third is only $100 which is only 1/10 of what I owe!!!

It wasn't my fault! Honest. I ran out of gas! I had a flat tire! I didn't have enough money for cab fare! My tux didn't come back from the cleaners! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone Stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT I SWEAR TO GOD!!!!!

I'm on a fixed income, just charged $10,000 on my credit card and bought a new car...can't understand why I can't pay my bills.

Uh.... was that a "BILL"? :-)

I don't pay my bills to collection agencies...I'm afraid that the high school dropouts, unwed crack mothers, and unfulfilled housewives which they employ will forget how to use a computer and delete me from existence. Besides, I NEVER answer the phone when the caller I.D. says "UNAVAILABLE".

I skipped a couple of doses of my Prozac.

I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left.

I'm under bankruptcy and not mentally competent to sign any legal documents.

I have better things to do than pay my debts.

I'm Pregnant and Out of a job because My Employer decided for me to not work anymore.

I Forgot!

Child support has put a lien on my pending personal injury case settlement.

You continued to sell me merchandise even after some invoices were past due. Therefore, since you sold us goods while we were already past our terms, we don't owe you for anything we bought after the original invoice was past due!

I lost my job AND my husband lost HIS job and both kids have to have braces and we're divorcing just to get insurance through Medicaid.

I would love to pay the bill, but I don't want to!

You want money? Yeah and the people in hell want ice water too.

I don't have any money!

My kid used it for toilet paper because we were out, and he flushed it. Now I have to use the money to buy a plunger.

My mother's check bounced. How can I pay you? I have no money!!!!

You're looking for my father he died a year ago.

That's my wife's bill, and she no longer lives here.

Didn't I already send that in?

I just sent that bill out with the morning mail.. Isn't your address 1313 Mockingbird Lane, New York, New Jersey, France? Sorry I'll get you a new check as soon as the other one is returned.

I'm positive I signed it!

My brother-in-law was supposed to loan me the money but didn't. He didn't tell me he didn't have it until the day the check was cashed. My half of the money was in the bank. His half bounced.

The man that came to my door wrote me a receipt for it and now he doesn't work for you any more.

You can't get blood from a turnip.

I thought my mother-in-law's, aunts, fathers, son already paid that bill?

You only have to meet the requirements of a contract if it is convenient for you!

I filed bankruptcy and it hasn't been discharged yet so I'll just call my lawyer and have him add you to the list.

I'm an unemployed debt collector who has worked for everyone from the IRS, NYS Taxation to City Marshals, lawyers, and collection agencies -- gotta job buddy?

I don't remember creating that bill! Therefore, I shouldn't have to pay for it.

Your check went in the phone company envelope by mistake. You must have their check. Please sort it out with them.

Since you have already reported it to the credit bureau, I may as well wait till it drops off.

If I pay you, then I won't have any money to pay my current bills.

My mother had a brain aneurysm. I am her sole provider and I am unable to work.

The chopper crashed and I lost my wallet.

My girlfriends are real expensive, and you'd never dress like them no matter how much money I sent you.

I don't give a ____ about you. What can you do? Put me in jail for not paying?

You can't get blood from a stone!!

Went to have my palm read and the lady said I had a very short life line, so I figured I'm going to die very soon, so why bother...

My dad, brother, nephew, son, two cousins, and my self are all named so and so. This must be one of their bills.

I never open anything from anyone asking for money.

The military sent me to war and they wouldn't deliver my pay check on the battle field.

I've been on vacation for the past 3 months and I haven't had time to see my bills...

Things are hard right now. The only asset I can liquidate is my car which I need to go to work.

I had credit disability insurance, but rather than pay, they wrote me off as a loss... where's a lawyer?

I'm sorry, I have the check right here in my wallet, 'cause I'd forgotten to mail it.

I don't care about credit on Earth, as long as I've got credit in Heaven.

When I filled the balloons you sold me with helium, they all floated away, so I'm not paying you.

You're looking for payment of a July invoice? (gails of laughter) We're just starting to pay last December's invoices.

My ex-wife took it to get even at me.

Aliens abducted it!

My mother fell out of my car in route to pay my bill.

My dog ate it.

Mr. So and So didn't pay me for the contract work you subcontracted out from me so I can't pay you.

My sick grandmother needs a cornea transplant. I gave her the money so she can read her Bible.

I have just been shot by an intruder. I am losing blood quickly. Can you call back later?

We didn't know we had a contract with your company... YES, we requested services... YES, you performed those services... YES, we have your invoice, but we're not going to pay it because we didn't know we contracted with you!

I only pay the "good" bills!

I am so offended that they referred their best customer to an agency, I simply refuse to pay.

Paying bills is against my religious beliefs.

I asked for a "massage" but all I got was a massage!

I'm not paying because you called my job.

Can't pay this 6 month old bill because I've been out of work for 4 years.

I quit my job... I've been on vacation.

She's not home, she went to Vegas.

My bookkeeper had an accident, she was trying to put on a sports bra, sprained her neck, and has to wear a cervical collar so she can't look down to fill out checks.

You spoke to me in a hateful manner, so I'm not paying.

You don't deal in real money, it's all on the computer.

I don't remember... I don't know.. I don't care... I don't.

Your interest is too high.

I'm behind?!?! ..Well, why didn't you call sooner?!?!

My septic tank backed up and had to be replaced.

I'm on disability due to: stress, being overweight, PMS.

I'm an illegal immigrant, my soc sec # is wrong and my name is not O'hara, not even the INS knows where I am and I'm moving so try to find me.

The bank my money was in, got robbed.

I can't take a message, my wife left me and took the pencil with her.

Its only money. The IRS gets most of it and I do like to eat.

It wore out before it was supposed to, so I'm not going to pay anymore!

My wife had an affair with my banker and decided to bounce my checks just like he did her.

I'm falling....and I can't get up!!